What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

True - how I loved my mum!

What do you mean son?

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

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So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

How can I remove decimals in math?

Do you know what she said mum?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

Is it wrong of me to feel uncomfortable that my friend thinks my brother is hot?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

What! how could you do that?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

How do you get a teenage boy to care about hygiene?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

What is the gayest experience you have seen in prison?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”